Wednesday, April 29, 2026

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
― Anaïs Nin

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I managed to accomplish everything I had hoped to and even got a gig.

The only thing that sucked was that I couldn’t fall asleep. I feel like a zombie right now.

I’ve struggled with insomnia for a while—like years and years. I’m not sure why, but I think it has to do with anxiety.

The only thing that seemed to get me to fall asleep was sleeping on the floor, putting my phone in another room, using earplugs, and doing my mini-workout while lying down.

Insomnia might also have to do with TikTok. I always go on TikTok right before bed even though my algorithm is like Charles Manson. It always finds something that triggers me, then it reaffirms something about me. Last night’s excitement was showing me my type talking to a guy who was thirty and single and just feeling sorry for them.

The thing I have to remind myself, which is hard at night, is that I’ve already tried the conventional dating path and it wasn’t for me. It’s easy to ridicule yourself and feel like there’s something wrong with you, especially when the majority of society agrees with that view, but if you don’t want to go mad you have to take responsibility for the fact that you chose the life you’re living.

Though, that doesn’t change the fact that it’s hard sometimes.

Last night, when I was trying to fall asleep, I had this visual of how my life feels right now: It feels like swimming through lead, and when I manage to get out and shake off the ooze, I get cold and jump back in.

But TikTok isn’t all bad, which is why I stay on in. Last night I found this cool song:

It’s nice to see the youth talking some Moz;)

However, as far as my transformation into a Greek God, I have some updates.

BODY

I need to find some kind of natural appetite suppressants. I’m thinking ginger chews or something like that. Or like green tea. I do not want to use a GLP—then you have to rely on it forever, and that sounds, for one thing, expensive.

I’m experimenting with four meals, essentially. My first meal is around lunchtime, the second is a snack in the late afternoon, then a meal for dinner, and then a protein shake before I go to sleep. I’m not sure if it’s smart to shift my eating to later in the day or not, but I find that thats when I get the most hungry. It’s fairly easy for me to fast in the morning, so I figure it’s best to go with my body’s natural rhythm.

When it comes to my workout, I feel good about it. This is something that has taken me a long time to settle on, but when I started it about a year or two ago, it seemed to work well. Essentially, it’s just a two mile or longer walk with my dog and then a short calisthenics workout of 3 supersets of 3 exercises—one for lower, upper, and core. Then I alternate which muscles are worked, so there’s a “front” workout—which is like chest and quads and abs. A “back” workout—which is back, hams, and lower back. The there’s what I loosely call a “side” workout—which is shoulders, abductors, and side core.

I had settled on this workout about two years ago and got into great shape, but because things felt almost too easy, I changed it up.

But recently, I realized that I think I had found my workout and my real problem was not the workout but my diet. So I’ve just trying to focus more on diet and stick with the workout that works.

MIND

I need to find a book that explains the process of starting a business to a five year old. But that seems ridiculous.

Yesterday I decided to read the millionaire fastlane—though I’ve already read it. But the internet says it’s a good book.

I just find that I get so bored of finance books—the writers sound all the same.

I heard some quote, “God leaves the room when you start thinking about money,” paraphrased, and I think it’s true.

I just want to learn more about the native Californians.

SOUL

I did get my word count in for my novel, and I feel excited about where it’s going. I’m starting to figure out who the protagonist is.

Also, probably the biggest win of yesterday was that I stayed sober.

So—my goals for today are as follows:

• Stick with my diet
• Workout
• Write
• Find a better book about business
• Stay sober

Here…we…go—and may Apollo bless us on this fine day.